WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

I know it's from the Onion and it's meant to be a satirical work, but look at the publish date and read through the entire thing and go, "lolwut".

"The snows of Kilimanjaro may soon be gone. The African mountain's white peak — made famous by writer Ernest Hemingway — is rapidly melting, researchers report.

Some 85 percent of the ice that made up the mountaintop glaciers in 1912 was gone by 2007, researchers led by paleoclimatologist Lonnie Thompson of Ohio State University report in Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

And more than a quarter of the ice present in 2000 was gone by 2007.

If current conditions continue "the ice fields atop Kilimanjaro will not endure," the researchers said."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091102/ap_on_sc/us_sci_snows_of_kilimanjaro

>>	Junior Field Reporter 09/11/03(Tue)08:43 No.2639   File: 1257266612631.jpg -(37995 B, 400x294) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. >>2638 You are now imagining yourself being abused to serve as a protein assembly tool.

"NASA says its immobilized Mars rover Spirit has experienced another episode of computer flash memory failure such as it did four times earlier this year.

"During the events, Spirit fails to record data from the day's activities onto the type of computer memory -- non-volatile "flash" memory -- that can retain the data when the rover powers down for its energy-conserving periods of 'sleep,' " NASA said.

The reappearance of such anomalies might delay the start of the planned attempt to free the rover from a patch of soft soil where its wheels have been embedded since April."

http://www.upi.com/Science_News/2009/11/02/Spirit-has-another-episode-of-amnesia/UPI-29061257198863/

"Bulgarian prosecutors are investigating a new gambling game in which drivers defy death by speeding through red lights for bets of up to 5,000 euros ($7,400), the chief prosecutor's office said Thursday.

Known as 'Russian road roulette', the driver must jump red lights at busy intersections at high speed and not crash into any other cars or pedestrians, according to local media reports. Onlookers also gamble on the result."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091029/od_nm/us_crime_roulette_odd

"A company behind plans to open the first hotel in space says it is on target to accept its first paying guests in 2012 despite critics questioning the investment and time frame for the multi-billion dollar project.

The Barcelona-based architects of The Galactic Suite Space Resort say it will cost 3 million euro ($4.4 million) for a three-night stay at the hotel, with this price including an eight-week training course on a tropical island.

During their stay, guests would see the sun rise 15 times a day and travel around the world every 80 minutes. They would wear velcro suits so they can crawl around their pod rooms by sticking themselves to the walls like Spiderman.

Galactic Suite Ltd's CEO Xavier Claramunt, a former aerospace engineer, said the project will put his company (http://www.galacticsuite.com) at the forefront of an infant industry with a huge future ahead of it, and forecast space travel will become common in the future."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091102/od_nm/us_hotel

"A warship built with steel salvaged from the World Trade Center is set to arrive in New York.

The USS New York is due to sail up the Hudson River as far as Ground Zero, where it will fire a 21-gun salute."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/8337868.stm

>>	Junior Field Reporter 09/11/03(Tue)02:01 No.2632   File: 1257242514038.png -(526924 B, 687x508) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. >>2628 Nope, we'll be using the wreckage of Pan Am Flight 103.

"Eating a diet high in processed food increases the risk of depression, research suggests.

What is more, people who ate plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish actually had a lower risk of depression, the University College London team found.

Data on diet among 3,500 middle-aged civil servants was compared with depression five years later, the British Journal of Psychiatry reported.

The team said the study was the first to look at the UK diet and depression."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8334353.stm

"We're here for some very specific reasons, some specific threats that the Israelis are interested in, that we're interested in. And that's as far as I want to go down that road."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8338155.stm

http://zenhuber.blog spot.com/2009/11/war-porn.html

In an Oct. 26 op-ed piece, David Ingatius of the Washington Post tells us everything we need to know about why mainstream media war coverage is so tainted. The article is 750 words worth of war pornography, verbal sex performed on Gen. David Petraeus, who gives Ignatius an aerial view of Baghdad aboard a Blackhawk helicopter (fly me to the moon and let me swing upon your stars…).

Ignatius gushes about Petraeus’s descriptions of how normal Baghdad looks now from the air. Except, terrorists exploded two bombs at the Justice Ministry and the Baghdad provincial administration, killing more than 100 and wounding more that 500. ‘Tis but a flesh wound, eh David?

(...)

No one in the fourth estate is covering our wars, or even trying to. The Pentagon’s truth ministry has insured that the only information that gets out is the company line. Up to now, the four-stars have kept a full bird colonel public affairs officer by their sides. Stan McChrystal has a one-star admiral, Gregory J. Smith, as his personal publicity agent. Adm. Smith is a career public affairs officer. The mind reels.

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

"Somali pirates who are demanding $7 million in ransom for a British sailing couple say boats from other countries are "looting" Somalia's fish-rich waters.

Ahmed Gadaf, who says he's a spokesman for the pirates, says Western fishing vessels "harass" local fishermen and destroy their nets. Gadaf spoke to The Associated Press by satellite phone.

Gadaf says the British couple, Paul and Rachel Chandler, are safe and will not be harmed.

Illegal fishing off the coast of Somalia stirs strong passions in the country. The country's prime minister, Omar Abdirashid Ali Sharmarke, said in a speech last week that many countries are fishing illegally in Somali waters and have pushed formerly profitable Somali fishermen into the pirate trade."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091031/ap_on_re_af/piracy

>>	Junior Field Reporter 09/11/01(Sun)08:58 No.2608   File: 1257094684956.jpg -(39931 B, 467x634) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. >>2604