So I call Jack Kirby into my office, and I got the cover of fantastic four 73 sitting there and I say “Hey Jack, notice anything different about it?” He said, “Yeah my name’s not on it.” And I said “that’s cause your fired, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!” That was the best Ben Grimm he ever drew.

So Dave Goeing comes into my office and I say to him, “Make Mary Jane look more like this.” And I hand him a polorid of his naked wife sitting on my lap. He said “Stan that’s my wife!” I said “Yeah you’re kid took it, now get the FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!” His Mary Jane was just gorgeous.

Bendis is good because he writes 5 books a month. FUCK THAT. Back in my day I wrote 17 books a week and fucked Kirby’s wife on the side. One time I got them mixed up and I fucked a copy of The Avengers while I was writing the Spidy script on her ass. I made Kirby watch, ya know I had no choice, we were on a deadline.

I always get the question “How did you get the idea for the X-Men?” My answer is two simple words. FUCK OFF!

So me and the boys went down to 5th Avenue to the DC offices. And we took our baseball bats and we smashed the place up and then we burned it to the ground! That taught Jerry Siegle to fuck with the House of Ideas. But I never missed an issue of Superman. What a great book.

I started Stan’s Soapbox to give marvelites a taste of, ya, know what life was like at Marvel. The first one I wrote just said “Jack Kirby’s wife likes cock. Especially mine.” It wasn’t great writing, but it was the truth.

Galactus was my idea. I told Kirby “He’s a big guy in a purple suit that eats planets to sustain life. Kind of like how I fucked your wife last night.” The analogy didn't make sense, but Kirby, he understood.

"Stan": Kirby walks into my office and pitches the idea for the FF. I said: "That's the dumbest idea I ever heard! Get the fuck out of my office!" Not five seconds later, I copyright the idea and the money rolls in like gangbusters. Kirby never got a cent. What a dumbass!

So there I was fucking Kirby's wife on a pool table. And Kirby walks in with a look that says "What are you doing???" So I stop and pause for a second and yell: "YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE OR I'LL KICK YOU IN THE GROIN TILL YOU BLEED FROM THE ASS!"
And that's how we came up with Dr. Doom's origin story.

Excelsior! That means DC is for douche bags.

We used to prank call Bob Kane, and say we was the real Batman, and we were gonna kill him for taking our identity. Then Kubert and I would throw a brick right through his window. Man I hated Bob Kane.